his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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