Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Randomize
