so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Screwed.edu
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
