We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
