can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
