i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize