You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
