I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
