I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
