Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize