WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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