Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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