never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
