Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
