everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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