Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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