is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
