I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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