I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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