Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
