I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
