i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
