he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize