made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
