haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
