Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
