Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
