Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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