worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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