i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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