I'm passing your future prison.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
