Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
