it wasn't lemon gatorade
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
