i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
