A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
