I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
