it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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