We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize