i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
