i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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