Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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