You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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