I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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