Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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