just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
