Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
