if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
