If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
