Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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