Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
