all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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