Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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