Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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