He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
