There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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