I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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