He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
