Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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