In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
