Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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