bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize