i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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