If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize