Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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