sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
