so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
there is glitter all over my balls
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
