I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
