I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
