she woke up with a sticky ear
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam š
How do I say āI have great titsā without it sounding awful
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. Itās bad. But Iāll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
