just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
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