I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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