Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
