i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm passing your future prison.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
