Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
