My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
