Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize