I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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