It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
