Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
