they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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