an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize