I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
