So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize