ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
